Tag Archives: Just for fun

Dream Catch Me

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LOVE POETRY: My poem – Dream Catch Me

I TEND to be a love-sick puppy at times. Falling for girls that are spoken for or aren’t interested and having my heart minced by the ones who pretend they are – these seem to be common trends in my hopeless romantic life. But from the burning ashes of emotional hurt often comes inspiration!

I often have this recurring dream where I’m walking along a beach at sunset – hand-in-hand with the undiscovered love of my life. Sometimes I recognise the girl, but at other times it’s someone that I have never seen or met before. I like to believe that I’m yet to meet the latter one.

Anyway, enough about me. Below is a poem I wrote a few months back about my recurring love dream. It’s an amalgamation of my own love sick feelings and two of my favourite songs. It you are familiar with the Goo Goo Dolls and the work of Newton Faulkner, you may recognise a few lines. There is also a bit of Blaise Pascal thrown in there just to spice things up.

So grab a tissue or another beer and I hope my poem touches you in a platonic way.

DREAM CATCH ME

Photo: fairwayscottages.comThe warm sunset rays cast themselves upon the tame sea

Dancing on slow moving humps of blue,

They meet the shore with a gentle swish

Gobbling up footprints left behind with joyous laughter.

We have an endless soft blanket before us on which to paint our future,

The past is washed clean, and all we need to go forward is the touch of each others hands.

It is only you and me – the rest of the World doesn’t matter,

Happiness has been defined in a single day…

But alas this is not today,

Today is a recurring dream.

Here is gone.


We have become adept at convincing ourselves that we know what we want

– who we want

Blind to our own inevitable growth,

Maturity, wisdom, ambitions, desires, dreams.

Our ocean is made murky by socially constructed pettiness

Expectations, perceptions, but very real uncertainty,

Uncertainty that strangles one, causing a head-rush of confusion

A bottomless void that can’t seem to be filled.


A few beeps from an electronic device becomes a make or break moment,

Silly, really

But the will to make the dream reality overpowers.

Left alone in a painful silence

Forced to allow over-analytical thoughts free reign over a once clear state of mind,

My ocean becomes cold and muddy

Please, get me out of this frozen dirt.


The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing, they say,

We try to understand the emotional heart with our heads

The way we are conditioned to,

Futile, really.

Sometimes the head wins the battle,

I break my fingers to make a call, but that’s all it is…


Love is about giving – giving involves trust,

Love is giving someone the ability to hurt you but trusting that they won’t.


There’s a place I go when I’m alone

Do anything I want, be anyone I want to be,

But it is always you I see there and I can’t stop myself from falling.

That’s where I’m going, where are you going? Hold it close, don’t let this go,

Dream catch me – catch me when I fall

Take me to my ocean I have seen before,

Let me meet her

Show me what I know will one day find me and become my reality.


Everything’s wrong, but it’s alright…

The Man Rules

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MEN VS WOMEN: At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

WE always hear of ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our Man rules! Please note: these are all numbered ‘1’ on purpose!

The Man Rules
Man Rules1. Crying is blackmail.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. So sayeth the Man Rules.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. NB Man Rule.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

Thank you for reading our Man Rules. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that ? It’s like camping.

Dear *blank* (most sincerely)

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HUMOUR: Dear *blank*

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch!
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realise that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that!
Sincerely, Logic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Sincerely, Google

Dear Voldemort,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
Sincerely, BP

Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack

Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Rubik’s Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind

Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can’t. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream… What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man. All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast

Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake

Dear Prince Charming,
You’ve got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty

Photoshop: Photo manipulation

PHOTOSHOP: Photo manipulation at its best

IT’S amazing what people can do with photography software such as Photoshop. I remember doing a crash course at varsity whereby we were given a photograph of a newspaper lying on a desk. The task was to create a glass sphere on top of the paper from scratch. The final orb magnified the print behind it, cast a realistic shadow and had a beam of light shining through it.

The photoshop workshop only took 45 minutes, but I couldn’t even begin to recreate something like that if held at gunpoint. Fortunately others can and always impress with their photo manipulation skills. Check out these peculiar works.

Photo Manipulation

Bumble Dog

Bumble Dog

Clown explosion

Clown explosion

Bonzai

Bonzai

Iron Man

Smoke on the water

Smoke on the water

Egg Heads

Egg Heads

Rising ink

Rising ink

Shattered arms

Shattered arms

Falling letters

Falling letters

Water painting

Water painting

Vertical Turn

Vertical Turn

Soccer peas

Soccer peas

Torn

Torn

Zebrafrog

Zebrafrog

Pencil Muncher

Pencil Muncher

Chicken Dog

Chicken Dog

Nosey Pete

Nosey Pete

Face punch

Face punch

Product ideas that could have made you a fortune

INVENTION: Light bulb moments that could have (or may) make millions

ADVERTISING is an interesting field in the evolution of human society. Adverts have the power to play on our wants and desires subtly and subconsciously, and can effectively make use buy things we really don’t need.

I love a good and clever advert. I often find myself studying their techniques rather than focusing on what they’re trying to sell. However, as clever and intuitive as advertisers may be, the truth is that no one really knows what will sell.

I’m sure we’ve all had great invention ideas that might have made us filthy rich at some stage in our lives. Mine is being able to phone your keys when you lose them. As far as I know, this could be achieved by simply installing a SIM card and speaker into your key bundle. It’s only function would be to ring whenever the assigned number is called. Wouldn’t that be bliss?

If you are the inventive type please feel free to steal my idea and make your millions. I won’t press charges. I’m fairly certain that something like this doesn’t exist on the market yet else we’d all be phoning our keys from time to time.

Otherwise here are some other product ideas that could have made you (or someone) a fortune. Most of them are quite practical and I’m sure many have actually made it to the shelves. I just wish we could find them locally. Enjoy!

Invention ideas that could have made you millions

Tape measure belt

Tape measure belt

Pillow with arm hole

Pillow with arm hole

Pizza Scissors

Pizza Scissors

Couple's umbrella

Couple's umbrella

Stair shoe drawer

Stair shoe drawer

Toilet Chair

Toilet Chair

Bottle Opener Remote

Bottle Opener Remote

Self-locking bendy bike

Self-locking bendy bike

Microphone shower sponge

Microphone shower sponge

Flower Power

Flower Power

Bachelor's drinks pourer

Bachelor's drinks pourer

Double bed measure

Double bed measure

Sauce dispensing chopsticks

Sauce dispensing chopsticks

Anti-fail waiter tray

Anti-fail waiter tray

Finger Guard 3000

Finger Guard 3000

Camera holder

Camera holder

Spring bed

Spring bed

Car swivel chair

Car swivel chair

Anti-spill keyboard tray

Anti-spill keyboard tray